ang blog ng isang engot

i’ve been back for a little over a month already.. but i got sooo busy i was not able to write for a while…

updates:
1. i went back to living in the bedspace i rented before i went to japan.. well, nothing much has changed..

2. bought a LOT of new books.. including Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchet’s “Good Omens”.. about halfway through on that one..

3. Bought a pc while i was in davao..

in short, nothing much has changed..
oh, and i’m missing japan.. hehe.

i’m back in the philippines..
hoping that things will get better.. ^^

Ten things you wish you could say to 10 different people right now (don’t tell us who it is):

1) i’m sorry

2) i’m sorry

3) i’m sorry

4) i’m sorry

5) i’m sorry

6) i’m sorry

7) i’m sorry

8 ) i’m sorry

9) i’m sorry

10) what was it that you hated so much about me?

Nine things about yourself:

1) i like cats but i would like to own a dog

2) i love to eat desserts

3) i like to watch movies/animes that can me me cry

4) chismoso (rumor monger?)

5) nerd

6) plastik

7) i have mood swings.. a lot

8 ) i don’t know how to save money

9) i love chocolates

Eight ways to win your heart:

1) cook/bake/concoct(?) something for me

2) make me feel special

3) listen to me

4) make an effort to understand me

5) talk nonsense with me

6) laugh with me

7) trust in me

8 ) see me as i really am

Seven things that cross your mind a lot:

1) him

2) past

3) the what-ifs in my life

4) fears

5) family and friends

6) anime

7) future

Six little stupid things you want to happen to you before you die:

1) see him again

2) have a talk with him

3) first kiss

4) have an amnesia

5) closure

6) get back all that i have let go

Five turn offs:

1) no integrity

2) lack of trust in me

3) answers for me

4) not listening

5) judgemental

Four turn-ons:

1) intelligence

2) integrity

3) humor/wit

4) can do arts and crafts

Three smilies that describe your life:

1) ^^

2)

3)

Two things you wish you never did:

1) thought of him too much

2) told the lie that i had to get home immediately (we would have had that one shared experience.. )

One confession:

in my life, the one person i have spent a lot of my time thinking about is a guy.

(there was even a time when i thought i was in love with him.. though even until now, i’m not sure of what he really means to me..)

If you’ve been following my blog, you would notice that my latest posts, which by the way even I, the writer, find trashy, are a bit too dramatic. Recently, my posts always seem to have a darkness in them, a heavy theme without any point.

What happened to my write-up about books? Or about games?

Where did the fun in my writing go (if there was even any fun at all in any of my earlier posts)?

Let’s just say that having been without friends for a long period of time has sapped away all of me.. I realized that I find it hard to be away from people who, in one way or another, seem to have acknowledged my being a person. The people I am currently working with here in Japan, well.. they are good people.. it’s just that.. hmm.. we’re not friends.. :p

(And here I go with the drama again.. hehe..)

That’s about to change, I think. In 17 days I’ll be going back to Manila, and I hope that on that same day I will be able to go home to Davao City.. It’s been such a long time already since I’ve been away from Davao City..

But I guess I would still be posting some updates about my life every now and then, such as the few updates below:

1. My 1TB external hard disk only has about 300GBs left.. :p Animes rule! (Uugghh.. I do hope that I will still have enough space for the Korean movies I plan to download in the next few days..)

2. After I reformatted my laptop (expiration of XP OS because I updated my pirated copy of it), I got another set of thirty days.. hahaha.. (Currently, I have only 24 days left, which means I would need to reformat my laptop again and find an installer which does not require activation through the internet)

3. I bought 2 pairs of shoes, the second pair of which I bought a week after I bought the first. Hahaha (Oh no)! I’m becoming a shopaholic!! Hmm.. This will be troublesome considering the fact that after I go back to the Philippines, the net pay I will receive from work will be a lot of times less than what I am currently receiving.. :p

Going back to the main topic:

I guess all of the drama might not end with my going back to the Philippines. I did promise to write about a certain “him”.. (This will actually be not that dramatic.. However, the catalyst which started my moving on (which, as I realized a long time ago but only internalized lately, was actually unnecessary) is related to all the drama I subjected myself to here in Japan. And I guess that is one leasson in Japan I’ll always be grateful for (the moving on; not the drama)).

I have actually already started a draft of my next post about “him” in my head.. It’s about “The day he went away” or some such crap.. :p I’m not sure though when I’ll be able to actually post it..

I guess that’s about it for today!

why can’t i learn to appreaciate me?

why can’t i just be grateful for what i already have?

why do i always compare myself with others?

(even though i know that having compared myself to them, i already lost to them)

(even though i know that having compared myself to them, i lose more of me)

why am i afraid to be me?

why am i afraid of me?

(habang buhay na lamang ba akong maiinggit?.. nakakapagod na…)

a freaky thing thing happened while i was browsing through facebook: i had a realization..

this came about when i saw a comment given by a certain someone to a friend of mine.

a year back i thought that that person and i have a lot of things common between us..

what i just realized was that we actually don’t have much in common.. i was actually subconsciously trying to be like him..

freaky right?!

pitiful me.. (

it’s been quite a looonnnggg time since my last post..

thing is, a couple of weeks back, i tried to write about a part of myself i rarely talk about.. and the weird (or rather scary) thing is, as my post was being published (yep, i clicked the publish button!), the server decided to go down.. and when it went up again, my work somehow got lost.. as in not a trace! it’s as if some unknown power was preventing me from…—

i’ll probably just write a better post (actually, i’m planning on creating a whole lot more than just a single post..) on that topic some other time.. i do hope that i will be able to write about that since it might mark the start of my happiness.. ^^ (i can hear someone puking right now..)

what the f*** am i talking about??! let’s just say it’s about a certain “him” and the circumstances and events that took place after i met “him” years back..

moving on (this was actually what my vanished post was about)..

updates:
-> i’m still in japan.. i’ll be here until the end of june..
and my gaahhhhddd!! you know that saying about the existence of “things that money can’t buy”?! well, it’s true.. duh!!

what about the things that money CAN buy? well, here’s a list of what i have been able to buy so far:
1. 16GB ipod touch.. (2nd hand 1st gen) – let’s just say that i have not forgotten that i actually AM poor and should not be spending money on unnecessary things..
2. Canon 7.1-megapixel digital camera (2nd hand) – same note as the ipod..
3. 1TB external hard disk – what i bought was actually new.. haha.. as if someone would sell his own external hard disk! after about a month of use, i think i have used up half of its capacity (anime downloads galore!)
4. seiko automatic 23-jeweled watch – brand new.. lol.. but.. hmm.. same as the itouch and the camera…

if you’ve somehow been blown away by my being such a braggart, just think of how lonely i feel right now.. how alone.. how lost.. how insignificant.. (hahaha.. too much drama!)

and the worst part is, the more lavish and extravagant things go and the more that i should enjoy this moment, the more that i feel my being alone..

i terribly miss the people i have left in the Philippines..

i’ll be home soon!

i’ll be in japan until about june 27.. will try to post more pics and more details later.. still trying to organize my life here.. hehe.. will keep you posted.. ^^

3 news:
1. i’m in PhilNITS’s posters.. hehe.. if your school supports PhilNITS or if your course is computer related, you just might see me.. it’s actually spread all over the Philippines.

2. i’ve just bought and owned my first laptop.. hehe..

3. well, the third is actually quite a secret yet.. if everything goes right, i’ll most likely break the news on April first.. ^^